The piece of the Puzzle

                It was the beginning of 7^th grade I don’t really remember it well. Things I do remember is the halls the little kids running into their class before our 4 minutes of freedom was up. I was one of the little kids running up to all my classes kissing up to my teachers and just keeping to me and my best friend. 7^th grade was an easy year until I hit a turning point in my life. I never changed from that day on. Nothing was the same everything was different. My feelings my attitude my reason of living. When I was little I used to be such a sweet heart. Dress up in my mother’s long shirts and wear her heels around the house trying to make myself bigger than I was. I wanted to grow up look at the world different. My mother always told me I was independent, smart, loving, caring all the things that made up a beautiful successful girl. After that day it changed my whole life. This one cute funny boy told me he liked me. I liked him to but I couldn’t show it. I loved his eyes, his smile. Everything about him was so perfect. At that point in life I wasn’t really worried about boys. I was worrying about making my mom happy and myself. Getting good grades and all that good stuff. School wasn’t so bad it was easy matter a fact. The classes. Now the classes was something. I did still pass the classes got All my homework done and did all the classwork even I did the extra credit. There was something about this boy that struck my eye. Even though he told me he liked me already and I felt the same I couldn’t show it I didn’t want to get stuck get heart broken. I was still young and still had so much to learn about. When that school year was over. The whole summer all I could think about was how to change the way I acted. Hopefully he would still like me the way I liked him. We talked but only in school. That summer we still didn’t talk. When school came back I was a different person or I thought I was.

 I still remember it like it was yesterday. The first day of school I walked into 7^th period and I saw him. We glanced at each other for about 30 seconds. I tune3d because I didn’t want to seem so weird. Like I was staring. I wanted to turn back so bad and look at him for a bit more. When I was going to turn he turned first I smiled and told him “hi” it wasn’t a dry hi either It was a great hi like I really wanted to talk to him. He said “will you go out with me”. I was so happy at the moment. Nothing else really mattered to me. I turned away because I didn’t want to seem so happy. But I really was. My feelings started rushing in my hands were sweaty and my face was turning red. I was panicking. The words that came out my mouth was “no”.  Did I really say no to this boy the boy I liked? I was so confused. My agony got the best of me. I wanted to say yes so bad I don’t know why I didn’t. There was a pause in my life like I stopped breathing. I died for a while. I thought about it the rest of the period and the rest of the day. Thank god the first day of school was Friday. I could finally think it over for 2 days. That whole weekend I sat in my room and thought about him and what I said. This changed everything maybe he didn’t like me anymore because I rejected when he asked me out. I didn’t want him to give up on me just like I didn’t want to give up on him. He was really everything the only person that could wake me up and bring me strength to go to school tomorrow or the next day. I don’t know if I really liked him a lot or if I just was out my mind. But he was different he was mysterious and I liked that. I knew he hid things or tried to hide them I could see it in his eyes when we were face to face. He was a walking emotional corpse. I knew that I probably made it worst. I said no one stupid little word could change everything. There wasn’t much to say at school on Monday I left him alone I didn’t want to bother him. I wanted him to come to me. Which he did we talked like what friends do? I think he knew I liked him. I would always smile couldn’t keep a straight face and kept saying one word answers to everything. I didn’t want to pouch him away. I wanted him to try harder to get my attention. Try harder to make me laugh, smile and encourage him to the best that he could be. I knew he had it in him. And I knew he wanted me to be there for him threw everything. I just didn’t know how to talk to him I was shy. And scared he was probably the first boy I ever felt like that for.

That year was over and it was the same when we came back in 9^th grade. I came in on the first day of school 7^th period. He went and asked me out once again. I said no for the second time. I don’t really know what was wrong with me. I kept saying no to the boy I wanted the only boy I wanted really. I don’t know we stopped talking for a while and I made it clear that I didn’t like him anymore. I think deep down inside I still did. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. Hide my emotions and my feelings. One day I was walking I saw him with this girl. A girl who I didn’t think was the girl for him. She carried herself like she was a piece of garbage. Something you would pick up off the street. She was cool though I loved her personality. It seemed like she brought the fun out of everything. A couple weeks later they were dating. I was jealous more like salty. Why was he with her? I guess that was his best friend but now girlfriend. He was probably tired of chasing me and I make no progress. He told me how he felt about me. It was the most beautifulness thing somebody could ever tell me. It had so much love and nature in it. Made it seem like he really meant every word he said. It was about a week and a half I could tell he really wanted to be with me. He was clueless. I never spilled my emotion out face to face. I felt like texting was way better than talking. The sudden need for me to finally tell him how I felt was here. I wrote it all down in my phone the notes app. I spilled my whole life into that one little paragraph. I had to remember he was still taken had a girlfriend.  There was no way that I could have an idea of us being together if he already had that title of together. I wanted a forever and always type of relationship. There wasn’t going to be an us never was never will. I didn’t stress him. I was determined to move on. I had to I wasn’t going to sit around and look stupid.

It was about a month over and I was talking to my best friend. We were so close then something happened. It was people all over with this he said she said stuff. I wasn’t with it. It wasn’t a true thing there anymore. My best friend once told me that the boy I fell for wasn’t the right one. He told me he was a player. That he messed with every girl he could. And he always used to take their virginity to. He treated me different though. He treated me like a princess. Like I was the only girl in the world that he wanted. I didn’t want to believe my best friend but I knew he wasn’t going to lie to me. I reactivated my Facebook that same day and saw everything. Everything he said was the truth. I saw everything it was in my face. Why does he act different in person and text messages than when we’re walking past each other in the halls? I knew it now he wanted me to be his little secret. Just because he had a girlfriend. That moment when he said he loved me. My heart dropped he was always messaging me with the cute paragraphs. I knew he was doing the same to his girlfriend. Every bit of me was saying not to reply to a message he has a girlfriend. My fingers wanted me to. I had to. This girl was all about same stuff. She smoked danced and then she took the only boy I wanted. I didn’t really like her much after that. One day she walked into class and was talking about how he cheated on her. With a bunch of different girls. I hope I wasn’t one of them. But I was. When she found out it was me plus these other girls. I guess I was her main target. She wanted to fight me because I was the one who broke her and him up. I didn’t really know what to do. I fell back and laid low for a while after that. We never fought. She didn’t want to and neither did I. There was a point where I was going to think about fighting her for him. Because I really liked him. I wanted to show him that I would do anything for him. I guess you can say I loved him. He loved me too. He would always tell me he loved me just so I would know. He cared for me so much. And he always showed it. I think we both knew that we would probably never be together. Were both not going to be together? And we had to accept it. There was no stopping. When he and the girl broke up she was still obsessed. She swore and wanted that to be her boy so bad. I didn’t really say anything because I and she had problems of our own. I fell back. There wasn’t a situation that this girl didn’t have my name in her mouth. I didn’t even stress much really. It wasn’t like she was going to say anything to me and I didn’t want a problem to I kept to myself.  Finally I told the boy to leave me alone and we just stopped talking. My life was better without him or her bothering me. Let alone without him. He was a piece to an unfinished puzzle that would never get put together.