The piece of the Puzzle

                It was the beginning of 7^th grade I don’t really remember it well. Things I do remember is the halls the little kids running into their class before our 4 minutes of freedom was up. I was one of the little kids running up to all my classes kissing up to my teachers and just keeping to me and my best friend. 7^th grade was an easy year until I hit a turning point in my life. I never changed from that day on. Nothing was the same everything was different. My feelings my attitude my reason of living. When I was little I used to be such a sweet heart. Dress up in my mother’s long shirts and wear her heels around the house trying to make myself bigger than I was. I wanted to grow up look at the world different. My mother always told me I was independent, smart, loving, caring all the things that made up a beautiful successful girl. After that day it changed my whole life. This one cute funny boy told me he liked me. I liked him to but I couldn’t show it. I loved his eyes, his smile. Everything about him was so perfect. At that point in life I wasn’t really worried about boys. I was worrying about making my mom happy and myself. Getting good grades and all that good stuff. School wasn’t so bad it was easy matter a fact. The classes. Now the classes was something. I did still pass the classes got All my homework done and did all the classwork even I did the extra credit. There was something about this boy that struck my eye. Even though he told me he liked me already and I felt the same I couldn’t show it I didn’t want to get stuck get heart broken. I was still young and still had so much to learn about. When that school year was over. The whole summer all I could think about was how to change the way I acted. Hopefully he would still like me the way I liked him. We talked but only in school. That summer we still didn’t talk. When school came back I was a different person or I thought I was.

 I still remember it like it was yesterday. The first day of school I walked into 7^th period and I saw him. We glanced at each other for about 30 seconds. I tune3d because I didn’t want to seem so weird. Like I was staring. I wanted to turn back so bad and look at him for a bit more. When I was going to turn he turned first I smiled and told him “hi” it wasn’t a dry hi either It was a great hi like I really wanted to talk to him. He said “will you go out with me”. I was so happy at the moment. Nothing else really mattered to me. I turned away because I didn’t want to seem so happy. But I really was. My feelings started rushing in my hands were sweaty and my face was turning red. I was panicking. The words that came out my mouth was “no”.  Did I really say no to this boy the boy I liked? I was so confused. My agony got the best of me. I wanted to say yes so bad I don’t know why I didn’t. There was a pause in my life like I stopped breathing. I died for a while. I thought about it the rest of the period and the rest of the day. Thank god the first day of school was Friday. I could finally think it over for 2 days. That whole weekend I sat in my room and thought about him and what I said. This changed everything maybe he didn’t like me anymore because I rejected when he asked me out. I didn’t want him to give up on me just like I didn’t want to give up on him. He was really everything the only person that could wake me up and bring me strength to go to school tomorrow or the next day. I don’t know if I really liked him a lot or if I just was out my mind. But he was different he was mysterious and I liked that. I knew he hid things or tried to hide them I could see it in his eyes when we were face to face. He was a walking emotional corpse. I knew that I probably made it worst. I said no one stupid little word could change everything. There wasn’t much to say at school on Monday I left him alone I didn’t want to bother him. I wanted him to come to me. Which he did we talked like what friends do? I think he knew I liked him. I would always smile couldn’t keep a straight face and kept saying one word answers to everything. I didn’t want to pouch him away. I wanted him to try harder to get my attention. Try harder to make me laugh, smile and encourage him to the best that he could be. I knew he had it in him. And I knew he wanted me to be there for him threw everything. I just didn’t know how to talk to him I was shy. And scared he was probably the first boy I ever felt like that for.

That year was over and it was the same when we came back in 9^th grade. I came in on the first day of school 7^th period. He went and asked me out once again. I said no for the second time. I don’t really know what was wrong with me. I kept saying no to the boy I wanted the only boy I wanted really. I don’t know we stopped talking for a while and I made it clear that I didn’t like him anymore. I think deep down inside I still did. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. Hide my emotions and my feelings. One day I was walking I saw him with this girl. A girl who I didn’t think was the girl for him. She carried herself like she was a piece of garbage. Something you would pick up off the street. She was cool though I loved her personality. It seemed like she brought the fun out of everything. A couple weeks later they were dating. I was jealous more like salty. Why was he with her? I guess that was his best friend but now girlfriend. He was probably tired of chasing me and I make no progress. He told me how he felt about me. It was the most beautifulness thing somebody could ever tell me. It had so much love and nature in it. Made it seem like he really meant every word he said. It was about a week and a half I could tell he really wanted to be with me. He was clueless. I never spilled my emotion out face to face. I felt like texting was way better than talking. The sudden need for me to finally tell him how I felt was here. I wrote it all down in my phone the notes app. I spilled my whole life into that one little paragraph. I had to remember he was still taken had a girlfriend.  There was no way that I could have an idea of us being together if he already had that title of together. I wanted a forever and always type of relationship. There wasn’t going to be an us never was never will. I didn’t stress him. I was determined to move on. I had to I wasn’t going to sit around and look stupid.

It was about a month over and I was talking to my best friend. We were so close then something happened. It was people all over with this he said she said stuff. I wasn’t with it. It wasn’t a true thing there anymore. My best friend once told me that the boy I fell for wasn’t the right one. He told me he was a player. That he messed with every girl he could. And he always used to take their virginity to. He treated me different though. He treated me like a princess. Like I was the only girl in the world that he wanted. I didn’t want to believe my best friend but I knew he wasn’t going to lie to me. I reactivated my Facebook that same day and saw everything. Everything he said was the truth. I saw everything it was in my face. Why does he act different in person and text messages than when we’re walking past each other in the halls? I knew it now he wanted me to be his little secret. Just because he had a girlfriend. That moment when he said he loved me. My heart dropped he was always messaging me with the cute paragraphs. I knew he was doing the same to his girlfriend. Every bit of me was saying not to reply to a message he has a girlfriend. My fingers wanted me to. I had to. This girl was all about same stuff. She smoked danced and then she took the only boy I wanted. I didn’t really like her much after that. One day she walked into class and was talking about how he cheated on her. With a bunch of different girls. I hope I wasn’t one of them. But I was. When she found out it was me plus these other girls. I guess I was her main target. She wanted to fight me because I was the one who broke her and him up. I didn’t really know what to do. I fell back and laid low for a while after that. We never fought. She didn’t want to and neither did I. There was a point where I was going to think about fighting her for him. Because I really liked him. I wanted to show him that I would do anything for him. I guess you can say I loved him. He loved me too. He would always tell me he loved me just so I would know. He cared for me so much. And he always showed it. I think we both knew that we would probably never be together. Were both not going to be together? And we had to accept it. There was no stopping. When he and the girl broke up she was still obsessed. She swore and wanted that to be her boy so bad. I didn’t really say anything because I and she had problems of our own. I fell back. There wasn’t a situation that this girl didn’t have my name in her mouth. I didn’t even stress much really. It wasn’t like she was going to say anything to me and I didn’t want a problem to I kept to myself.  Finally I told the boy to leave me alone and we just stopped talking. My life was better without him or her bothering me. Let alone without him. He was a piece to an unfinished puzzle that would never get put together.

 

                We were all at this hotel waiting for the army to appear. We wanted to see the big cars and all the men in their suits come. That was my daughter’s biggest dream. She is only 4 and already wants to see the world. We only knew they were at this specific hotel because of the news thank you news 10 NBC.

“Please come in sir. You cannot wait outside.” Said the front desk cart.”

“We cannot were waiting for something.”

“You cannot wait outside you will make this 5 star hotel look like a 1 star” he giggled to his friends.”

“This won’t take long please sir I beg you.”

“You have 5 minutes tops”.

 

                Our 5 minutes was almost up and we still didn’t see them coming. I turned and told my daughter it was time for us to leave. But when I turned back I saw them there were about 10 cars following back to back I could hear my daughter in my ear screaming “daddy go look, you see them”. I was so amazed they were driving one got out the car in the front of the hotel and wads coming right for me and my daughter I was nervous and she was surprised.

                “Hello little one “He said to my daughter

                “Oh my god is this really you”

                “Why yes if you’re talking about a solider from the army, yes this is me”.

                “This is a dream come true me and my dad have been waiting out here for hours waiting for you guys to come just so we could see”.

                “Aw that is so nice would you like to touch my uniform? You can if you want to”.

                “Yes I would. I wish I could be one of you guys or my dad I am so happy to finally meet you”.

                “Well you can just go to school and then you will know where to go from there.” He said walking away.”

                “Okay bye sir.”

                “Bye.”

                “Dad did you see them?”

                “Oh yes honey I was right there, right next to you too.”

                “That is the best they were so nice and stuff.”

                “Yes it is. Did you have fun seeing them and talking to them.”

                “I did dad, but I want to come back the news said they were going to be there all week.”

                “Maybe. I don’t know if I have off work for the rest of the week, I need the money and you know this.”

                “But dad.” (She said about to cry)

                “No buts I said maybe and that is final now let’s go back home.”

                “Oh my god fine.” (Stomping her feet)

We went back home to an empty house an empty fridge and an empty soul. Being poor did not only suck at me about it did my daughter? The constant always having to work and it’s still not enough for us to even buy a pair of shoes for my little girl.

                “Dad do you think I can borrow 10 dollars for this instrument my school is selling I really want it.”

                “Here this is all I got please being me back the change.” (Handing her the 20 dollar bill he had left)

                “Ok thanks dad I will!”

A couple days later we went back because my daughter forced me too I didn’t want to go back but then I kind of did I wanted there to be more happiness I got from being with my daughter. I wanted her to smile and say thanks dad she doesn’t really say it that often. So we went back and waited.

                “Hello again sir. How are you?”

“Please come in sir. You cannot wait outside.” Said the front desk cart.

“We cannot were waiting for something.”

“You cannot wait outside you will make this 5 star hotel look like a 1 star” he giggled to his friends.”

“This won’t take long please sir I beg you.”

“You have 5 minutes tops”.

“We went through this couple days ago I already know this.”

“Why are you back here anyways?”

“My daughter wanted to come back and see the solders one last time before they left this weekend.”

“Oh trying to make her happy I see. Good dad.”

“Thank you”

“Dad who were you just talking to?”

“I was talking to the front desk cart”

“Oh ok what else did he say to you I know you guys were talking about me coming back to see the soldiers.”

 “Yes we were, we were talking about how I was a good dad to.”

“You are a good dad.”

“Thank you sweetie. Now look they are all coming.”

“Ok I see them.”

There was a lot of them more than the ones we saw. I saw them far away from us. They were lined up coming in March. Everyone was in their army fatigue uniforms and they look professional. I could see them in the light of the bright sun. They were coming forward to us like last time as if they were going to say something too. They came to us.

                “Hello little one.”

                “Hi.”

                “Are you okay you look a little mad?”

                “I’m good I just wanted to see you guys for one last time before you leave. My dream was that I see you guys when you finally came to my town. Nobody ever comes to Old Country. We usually have to go out of town.”

                “We usually was go to bigger countries that we have more public opinions but we decided to come here for a change. To explore more options.”

                “Oh are you guys coming back anytime soon? Do you think there will be more option looking in Old Country?”

                “Umm I don’t really know if there will be.”

                “Oh all of your buddies are leaving you better go too thin.”

                “I think I have a little bit of time before we have to round up back there.”

                “Yes?”

                “Yes this is the beginning of something new for the army.”

                “That sounds so cool I can’t wait until me and my dad go around the world to see.”

                “Right can’t wait to see you.”

                “There wasn’t a lot of time to be happening when you come.”

                “Yes? I should have noticed that.”

                “Yes I see I hope you understand the military is a very serious thing and little kids aren’t welcomed but we can make an exception to you.”

                “Thank you sir I will be very glad that I can be able to come.”

                “How old are you?”

                “I am 11”

                “Yes? So is my daughter (he said smiling).”

                “Oh cool do you guys live here or do you guys move a lot?”

                “My wife lives here with our daughter and when I get drafted.”

                “What school does your daughter go to?”

                “She goes to Sunnyside High school.”

                “Me too I said with a huge smile.”

                “Do you know her; her name is Makayla?”

                “Yes I do know her we sit together in lunch every day.”

                “I like that she needs friends.”

                “She has a lot of friends they just don’t really hang out with her.”

                “Really thank you for the good news.”

                “Your welcome but I have to go now my dad been in the car this whole time.”

                “Okay hope to see you soon.”

                “You too but I never did get your name.”

                “Carlos.”

                “I’m Melanie.”

                “I will see you when I can. Bye see you soon contact my dad if anything.”

                “Okay thank you I will see you to.”

               

 

               

 

 

                I dream of me in a white dress

                Always looking at my best

                I want to walk down the isle

                With a sack of flowers in my hand

                Holding them like there something valuable

                I see something like a bird flying away like something scary it heard

                It wants to meet this man it wants so true

                Everlasting love to bloom

                I want to be with him hand to hand

                So I can meet this perfect man

                The bird plays her song listening to the beautiful tunes                 

                I could see if from a mile away like it was a magical moon

                The prettiness of this tune is something like my nice gorgeous bloom

                Roses are red violets are blue

                I see this one boy in my heart like it was something true

                There wasn’t anything else that mattered but my future

                I didn’t look back I looked forward

                Like there wasn’t anything else that mattered

                I wanted to just look for other options be different

                Just so I could fit in like the others

                See them all around town

                Looking at them like they all had imaginary crown

                I don’t know but I think I’m stuck in something that would never occur

                So I will just fall back like it doesn’t hurt

 

               

Not enough effort

The worse part being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t put the 100% for the relationship why  put you’re all into  someone that  all they  want to do is mess with  other girls be unfaithful ? They don’t put enough effort for you and you will do anything for you but in reality why you there doing your best to make your relationship better by doing things right but instead they break up with you for something stupid. But you know deep down they always going to have something special in your heart even the arguments that you both had and instead if you guys working things out you guys are having disagreements because one of you are not putting enough effort on you because you most definitely know that they are not the same person no more like you use to. know they made a whole 360 on  you and you didn’t even  know you just thought they  were sad about something but it just breaks you to  pieces and is at a point that  you can’t do nothing about it no more you just  giving up  on  you both  and just stop doing what you did to  get the  just make it seem like the whole time you was together it was just games when all  you wanted was something REAL but now you wonder Why you did everything for this one person that you just did everything for and now that’s all gone went from someone who liked you for you and went for someone that didn’t want nothing do absolutely nothing with your mind games. Playing mind games aren’t something you do just to play with someone that you know gave them you’re all and you just don’t know.

Posing up for a failing relationship

It’s entirely normal—and well—for couples to argue. You’re two separate people, and you’re going to have different opinions sometimes. But what you might not realize is that how you act post-spat can be as important to your relationship as what you say in the heat of the moment. Some things to avoid, whether you’re totally over it or still working on that whole forgive-and-forget thing. Ok so we all want a relationship a good one might say, they have a good attitude no arguments or even fights just the play ones loll. Everybody hopes to have a good relationship with someone they want that “special” someone. They want a person like that to be their heart their soul and their world. Somebody once told me that relationships were bad and that they were just a waste of time. I told them that I didn’t care, and I wanted to be with someone who could treat me like I was their everything. You could talk to your parents I guess but I wouldn’t matter. They would just be another person to say that they were a waste of time and OMG this is my favorite line “boys are the reason why you are failing school’.  Parents always assume that this is why you’re failing school I find that funny. I would think that parents would find another excuse about boys. My parents don’t see boys as intriguing as anything else in their life. My parents wouldn’t even notice a thing.  But how we act and how we see what we do. Shouldn’t what we do with your own life should be your own business. I know that parents care about our decisions and what we do but when there’s a problem we can go to our parents. Sometimes we need space to guide us to where we need to go in a relationship but remember we can’t posture up for a failing relationship.

“We need to talk”

You get a text from your boyfriend or girlfriend and it says “we need to  talk” you just  sit there not knowing what  to  say  you hand starts to  get sweaty you start getting scared and nervous maybe is a good thing he asked you to  meet him  in  front of the school. You go and there he is but you notice body language says it all his not acting the same towards you he starts acting like he just don’t want to talk you no more he then starts saying why he called you over and right there your heart drops into millions of pieces he tell you “I don’t think this is working” your eyes start to get watery and you just hold it in because you just can’t cry in front of him.  When he tells you and he doesn’t have no emotion you know right there he didn’t care about you if he did why  would he have done such a thing if your loyal and just talk  to  him  but no he’s the one that brings it up. You knew this wasn’t meant to  be is been 2 years together and he says he doesn’t want to  be with  you no more you question yourself every day  you wonder and wonder it is another girl? Is he in a lot of depression? But if it was depression she will support him and be there for him. She just gets emotional and leaves school the next few days he doesn’t come to school. You start to get anxious is he sick? Did something happened to him? You know your feelings for him will  never change is been 2 years together they  just broke up 4 days ago she hasn’t looked for nobody  haven’t talked to nobody he’s the only one for her, But something happened but it wasn’t what  she expected he was seeing someone else she froze and she was so lost he broke up with  her because he was messing with  another girl while they was together these 2 years were nothing but lies you don’t cry you just stand there and laugh because the girl  he left you for it ugly and is not even all  that he passed by you in  the hallway and looks at you and you just keep it moving don’t show no  emotion walk  but it still hurts it’s been now 5 days and he didn’t have to  reason  he could’ve just  said he with someone else instead of cheating on you the whole 2 years that  you been  loyal  You stopped talking to your OWN friends for him and all he do is the one to let you down he’s with that girl everywhere now. You just cry you been 100% with  him and all  he did was stab you in the back  is messed up  how the one that  you gave so  much  can be the one to  let you down  he dropped a diamond for a rock  and now she just sits there each day  asking herself “why me”  she just hurt she can’t trust no one else in  her life she’s scared that is going to  happened to  her again  even  the one person  that  said he will never hurt you be the number one person  to  just bring you down and the way he told her wasn’t right she thought she wasn’t right for him at all  he wasn’t faithful he was dishonest and ungrateful.\ Seeing them together holding hands and kissing made her seem like it was her fault she had left him she cried but went to  the bathroom  cleaned her face and fix her makeup she didn’t let it affect her she just knew she wasn’t right for him but the love she had for him will never go.

What can be tough

She knew he was watching but she didn’t stop. He could see me just staring at him with that crazy girl. The way she held her self-up and mad herself up and made herself look was just disgusting. Sure, he was like her but he made it look cute and nice. Once he took a glance at me I looked away as if I didn’t even mind them. He knew I cared for him like he was my world but he didn’t stop. It was as if every time I saw him they were together. I hated it, I felt that the girl that should be by his side was me. We took this step where we told each other how we felt all we could do was smile because the reaction was so delightful. Every time we would see each other I could feel both of our hearts melt as if there was love for each other. When I saw him I could see another person one who cared for me as if I cared for him. I didn’t know what I felt because there was so much emotion. The person I had feelings for was the person I wanted to be with and it was clear as glass. The same for him.

Quick Play

                 

Amber has short black hair and is 5’2 she likes to go swimming and hang out with friends everyone loves to hang out with her because she is so funny. Lila is 4’11 she is very nice and very christan her best friend is amber.

                Amber: who is that down the hallway?

                Lila: who are you talking about?

                Amber: the tall boy standing with the yellow hoodie

                Lila: oh. I see he’s really cute and very tall

                Amber: yes he really is (clapping her hands together)

                Lila: do you like him?

                Amber: yeah, do you know him?

                Lila: no not really he is just in my English class 3^rd period

                Amber: oh I really like him and I always have

                Lila: go talk to him

                Amber: I can’t I’m really shy and when I go around him I get all fluttered

                Lila: you want me to talk to him for you?

                Amber: yes I want you to but please don’t tell him who it is just yet

                Lila: ok but what should I say?

                Amber: tell him things about me like how I look and what I like

                Lila: okay